I was born 1980 with a clear mind and an angel heart as every child in this world. I lived a quite nice life under a free blue sky. Fifteen years passed in the blink of an eye full of excitement and ambition . In 1996 a girl came into my life and changed every dream and every thought in my daily agenda. At that time all I was thinking about is to wake up every morning and see her beside me.
For her, I was simply a guy with needs. But she changed my life and turned it into unbearable hell . With her, I discovered marijuana for the first time in my life.
She was so proud of herself, so proud of the life of addiction that that she made a long term commitment with Lucifer and chose me to be her partner. I believed her and never realized that such an innocent and beautiful girl could act so badly with such an amount of lies.
Few years later, in 2000 I went with her to a cocaine binge in a party of her friend. She soon disappeared. A week later, I heard from a friend that she died from a drug overdose.
I lost all my hope and my journey to hell began. Three years of struggle after her death, I decided to travel to far east saying to myself that this could be like a cure to me so my life would be back on track again but I was wrong.
There, I learned crack and speed and free base, the most dangerous drugs of them all which blacked out my mind and destroyed my life more than ever. Deep inside, I Knew that was wrong, I couldn’t trust myself anymore and always found a reason to escape my life by taking drugs . After all I was lying to myself with no sympathy. So I started praying every day and night asking God to release me from devil inside me but my prayer weren’t answered .
2007, I started my new business and succeeded to make good money but the problem I faced was how to keep all this money with drugs addiction possessing my life and pushing me to lose the trust of my family and friends.
Every night , I used to lay down on my bed and hear myself saying silently: “I want to stop” from the bottom of my heart, then the voice of my other self, my bad self, said no and sometime me and my bad self used to have endless conversation, sometime my good self wined sometimes my bad self did. Life is so short ,how can I live this desperate life with my family?
Of course, I couldn’t let them catch me and they will never understand… How could they? The only way to make them understand is to tell them the truth but I couldn’t .
I was living my life in the fast lane and it surely made me lose my mind and made me reach the last limits.
Every day and every night I used to ask myself in bed and tried to imagine what it looks like to be normal? How can I change my life again? I can’t even remember when was the last time I was normal .I was longing to have a normal life. I didn’t want anybody to know how different I was.
27/8/2007 I was arrested for drugs use and for almost 28 days. What a nightmare!!!
Years and years of struggle, I could not find my way to the light.. Dark thoughts. Nightmares… Lies… It had been a long hard trip but after all I was alive praying every day. It is said that living is higher perfection than being, and understanding is higher than living.
20 years of drugs addiction and lies I didn’t gain anything from it .Moreover, I was losing all my friends and family members one after another.
2013 I decided to stop so I took a real decision to change and have a good life, a new life just like a new born child.
My father and mother sister and brother supported me and gave me mental support, month after month from shrink to another but they unfortunately failed. Nevertheless, my prayer didn’t stop and I was asking God desperately to help me.
2014, I realized the truth that drugs are illusion and I could gain nothing from it.
It was like a frightening dream somehow, I was alone.. it was very dark… I grabbed through stifling blackness, trying to find a light but all I found was darkness.
Darkness and the sound of my own breathing, harder and harder as I was grabbed more and more madly through the darkness.
Once, I heard myself saying: Lord is greater than I can see so I prayed to change my life forever and will never be afraid to close my eyes.
It’s hard to know where you are going if you can’t know where you have been
Here I am standing in front of you my friends and brother in life with my story as a Muslim in a Christian Rehabilitation Center where I feel no difference in treatment and believe.
“St. John says: when God shall appear, we shall be like to him because we shall see him as he is.” If you wish to attain to his likening to God in our heavenly country you must take pains to be linked to him in good works here on earth: Jesus Christ came to send peace upon earth. “Thomas Aquinas writer”
And I feel that I was recovered from my thoughts and my daily life and I have new vision in life from my experience. I think it is enough to look forward and begin to live for tomorrow and save my soul before it is too late.